The main purpose of my article is to present and clear the air around one of the most common misconceptions about the true purposes of being able to speak a foreign language.

I am writing this article because I have met too many language learners or soon-to-be language learners who completely misinterpret the true purpose of being able to use a language.

To be specific, I have experienced on numerous occasions that people consider learning a foreign language, most especially English, to be a sense of duty, an obligation, or a moral imperative.

To be frank, it does not seem a sufficient reason as to why one should bother themself with all the burden, stress and struggle that learning a foreign language puts on a person.

If I had got a new pen free of charge every time I heard someone say how embarrassing it is that their friends can speak English while they cannot, I would probably be making a great living selling pens now instead of tutoring language learners.

That is why, in the opening statement of the article, I claimed that many people desire to understand English fluently for all the wrong reasons.

If someone starts their language journey due to a moral imperative that pressures them to learn English fluently, their motivation usually disappears shortly after, making the journey unsuccessful.

Motivation often fades because the learner doesn’t find the process enjoyable enough to stick with it. Without a personal reason to keep going, beyond the pressure to conform to societal expectations that you’re a failure if you don’t speak English fluently, many learners end up giving up on their goals.

This is how some language learners might end up mentally scarred for life, which is why learning a language might not always be worth it. I would bluntly argue that not everyone is cut out for speaking English or any other foreign language if they don’t genuinely want to. Learning should be a personal choice, made based on one’s own well-being rather than others’ expectations.

Forcing ourselves to engage in activities we detest often causes more harm than good in the long run. I definitely recommend trying new activities and quitting those we don't enjoy. Learning English is no exception.

Most people encounter their first second language at school, where they are also assessed. From my experience, children often focus more on getting good marks than on gaining valuable knowledge. 

When I started teaching English to Hungarian and native-speaking children at a primary school, I noticed that they treated English as just another subject where they needed to achieve the best marks. They felt pressured to excel in the latest vocabulary, grammar, and other exercises that test different language skills.

Most of the children I taught tried as hard as they could to collect and store information until they were assessed, but not beyond that point. Even the ones with a natural talent for learning English were mostly obsessed with getting good marks.

Therefore, as soon as they received a good mark on their official record, they began to forget the knowledge they had gained. I do not blame them for this; I blame a school system that motivates students not to acquire knowledge, but to achieve good marks.

It is also a shame that most children’s schedules consist of only three to five English lessons a week, which is far from sufficient for mastering a language. Consequently, revisions are nearly impossible.

This is also why it is difficult to help children deeply understand that a language is a tool that can be useful later in life. It is crucial for them to remember what they learn and to seek opportunities outside of class to apply their knowledge, so they don’t forget.

At the same time, everyone is required to study English, which, as discussed in the previous chapter, is a flaw in the school system. English should not be compulsory for students who are not interested in foreign languages.

Language is a powerful tool that we can use 

1. either to manage certain areas of life that involve fact-based and straightforward verbal communication,

2. or to connect with others on a deeper emotional level.

More specifically, the true purposes of any language are 

1. being able to state our needs and hopes and dreams and being able to listen to other people’s needs and hopes and dreams,

2. sharing our thoughts and beliefs on topics we are interested in and/or we have relevant experiences with, and listening to what our listener(s) has/have to say about them,

3. expressing our emotions with words whether they are positive or negative and pay attention to others when they talk about their feelings,

4. telling a story about something that happened to us whether it is a happy one or a sad one and listening to what happened in other people’s lives,

5. claiming and listening to factually true information on any topic that might or might not be interesting to the people involved in the conversation,

6. participating in entertaining activities that require a certain level of one- or two-way communication such as listening to songs with lyrics, watching a movie or TV show, reading the news, going to the theatre, playing board games, etc.

7. making and completing requests and directions at our workplace

8. managing our everyday life duties and activities such as seeing the doctor, going to a restaurant, shopping for groceries, etc.

Although the list might not be fully exhaustive, it showcases diverse real-life instances where language is applied to establish some form of verbal communication with other human beings.

It’s also important to consider that not everyone can discuss every possible subject, and therefore not everyone can engage in conversation with everyone else, as interests can vary.

When we meet someone with interests that don’t align with our own, it is quite challenging to dive into a conversation where both or at least one of the parties can have the best time of their lives. 

If you feel that a conversation does not flow smoothly and naturally, your relationship with the person in question is destined to failure. This is not your or your speaking partner’s fault; you are simply not compatible conversational partners.

This applies to any situation in which two people engage in a conversation. For instance, when you look for a new hairdresser and visit them for the first time, you might expect to have a chat where you find yourself amused. If you do not have that experience, you might never return.

Let me add that this example might seem far-fetched because we don’t go to our hairdresser just to have a conversation; we go for a haircut or other services they provide.

However, spending thirty to sixty minutes there, we would prefer not to be bored. Engaging in conversation can make the experience more enjoyable, as long as it doesn’t distract the hairdresser from their work.

Another example is finding an English tutor. Since you’ll typically spend more than an hour with them, it’s wise to choose someone with whom you can easily connect, even if you start by studying grammar. It helps if you can maintain a conversation for sixty consecutive minutes. Otherwise, you might end up sitting there anxiously, hoping one of you will say something that interests the other person.

How one person perceives another depends on a complex set of factors, which is why giving or receiving advice on how to behave in situations like job or university admission interviews is often nearly pointless.

Unless we have a detailed understanding of the interviewer’s interests, personality, values, and overall outlook on the world, it’s nearly impossible to predict how they’ll react to anything we say.

Ultimately, the similarities and differences between you and the interviewer can influence whether they decide to hire or accept a candidate. If the interviewer finds you unappealing based on their own perspective, it doesn’t mean you failed the interview – it simply means that you might not be a good fit together. (Of course, other factors like qualifications and salary agreements also play a role in job offers.)

Even though you might be able to put on a different face during the job or university interview, but the real question is whether you can keep up that act over time and if you’ll feel good about it in the long run. Additionally, since the interviewer might not be the person you’ll work with daily, such interviews can often feel nearly pointless.

I often see posts on social media where people seek advice about job interview situations or issues with colleagues and bosses. For instance, someone shared a story about being fired on their first day for being two minutes late and was looking for validation on whether the boss's actions were justified.

Despite the range of opinions from commentators, none were particularly relevant since none were involved in the hiring process or the specific situation. The boss's decision to fire the employee for being two minutes late on their first day was a personal choice. While other people's viewpoints can provide perspective, they ultimately don't change the fact that decisions are made by the individuals directly involved.

That’s how communication works: the outcome of a conversation or situation is always shaped by the people directly involved.

Some people prefer formal conversations with complex language, which can feel unrealistic to those who enjoy a more casual environment. Personally, I find overly complicated and elitist language uncomfortable. I wouldn't be happy in a workplace where I had to communicate in that manner.

That's why I avoid applying for jobs where the culture involves excessively formal language to show respect. To me, kindness can be conveyed through simple sentences, and sophistication doesn't necessarily guarantee respect.

While I can manage formal language for brief, official interactions, speaking formally all the time would make me feel uncomfortable and stressed. I aim to avoid that kind of daily stress as much as possible.

In summary, understanding the true purpose of learning a foreign language, such as English, requires more than just fulfilling a perceived obligation or meeting societal expectations. 

Learning languages should be driven by personal interest and genuine desire rather than external pressures. It is crucial to recognize that learning a language is not merely about scoring well but about embracing a tool for meaningful communication and personal enrichment.

The journey of learning a language should be approached with the intention of enhancing one's ability to connect with others, express emotions, share experiences, and participate in diverse activities. It is about finding joy in the process and appreciating the opportunities it brings to interact with the world. 

Therefore, the motivation to learn should come from personal aspirations and interests rather than an obligation fulfilled by other people's expectations. Ultimately, the true value of learning a language lies in its ability to enrich our lives and facilitate genuine connections with others.